Break up is indeed a difficult phase of anyone’s life. But the most difficult part after the break up is to decide whether or not to stay in touch with your ex?
To decide this, there could be two situations where
- Both of you were friends earlier and later got into a relationship.
- Both of you met each other through any dating apps or mutual friends and began dating because you wanted to be in a relationship.
Well, this doesn’t actually matter if we consider only the feelings as the main aspect of the relationship. On the other hand, the way you got into a relationship matters a lot to decide whether you want to stay in contact with that person or not.
In the first case
You both choose to be in a relationship after knowing each other quite a bit. Maybe you fell in love with each other gradually. In such cases, it mostly happens that breakups occur due to compatibility issues and quite amicably in lot many cases.
In the second case
Maybe you start dating right away, and hence, there is a lot of chance that relationships may turn sour quickly. As you may not like the person as and when you learn about their personality. Breakups in such cases may turn out to be quite complicated and may also turn to take ugly turn few times.
Hence it is necessary to take a few factors into consideration to decide is it appropriate to keep in touch with an ex after the breakup.
Following are the five key factors that will help you decide whether or not to stay in touch with your ex.
>1. Emotional attachment with each other
When in a relationship, each couple has a different level of emotional attachment with each other. Depending on which, certain feelings after the breakup remain. These remaining feelings become an important factor in deciding whether or not you should stay connected with your ex.
Think for a moment about your ex- What do you feel? Is it absolutely nothing? Like no anger, sadness, uncertainty, etc. Then if such is the case you can stay in contact with your ex or maybe you can choose to stay friends with them. Because this indicates no remaining feelings towards your ex, which means you are completely over them. Hence being friends with them doesn’t affect your current life and still be happy with or without their presence.
In the other case, if you have some remaining feelings for your ex, it’s better not to be in touch with them. Because staying in contact may cause you to carry that past emotional baggage along with newer conflicting feelings.
If you are still emotionally connected, it will make things complicated for both of you. You will stay stuck with your feelings, and it will make moving on quite harder for you. So better try to avoid your ex until you are completely over them emotionally.
>2. Your current relationship status
- In a serious relationship
If you are in a serious relationship with someone, and your partner has a problem with you being in contact with your ex. In such situations avoid staying in touch with your ex as this may cost you your current relationship. when you are with someone you would not want your ex lingering around you to affect your current relationship.
Staying friends with your ex can hurt your current partner’s feelings to a certain extent which will, in turn, will hurt you too. By keeping your ex out of your life you can get your own space which is much needed in any new relationship. Also, both you and your ex can have a genuine life for yourself which will help both of you move on happily.
- Problems in current Relationship
In other cases, if you are facing problems in your current relationship, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex in any circumstance. Talking to your ex in such situations will definitely affect your current relationship. Doing so you will not only hurt your current partner’s feelings but will also end up complicating the situation with your ex. You may end up comparing them both, which will limit growth opportunities in your current relationship.
Talking to your ex when in a fight with your partner may also cause misunderstandings in your current relationship. Try to solve the problem with your partner by talking it out. It will help you strengthen your relationship with better communication. Do not try to keep your ex as an option to get away with your complicated feelings whenever in a fight with your partner. Doing that will definitely complicate the situation between you your current partner as well as your ex.
>3. Lonely Feelings
Sometimes it may happen that you are too much attached to your ex and still have not come in terms with your breakup. When you stayed in a relationship for quite long, you are quite habituated with sharing each and every detail with each other. After the breakup, there is a sudden loss of that comfort and you being to feel that emptiness in your life. It’s not that you actually miss your ex, but you will miss doing certain things that you did as a couple. It might get difficult for you to move on and also will cause difficulty in adjusting to your new life as a single. You shouldn’t stay in touch with your ex in such situations, where you just want to get over your loneliness.
This will affect your life negatively in many ways. Staying in contact with your ex in such situations will leave you of lingering feelings to get back to them. You or maybe even ex may start feeling that there is hope for reconciliation, which will make the whole point of your breakup useless. It’s just a waste of your time and energy, but also will hamper your growth to move forward in your life. Do not keep your ex as back up plan to get away with your feeling of loneliness.
>4. Guilty/Pity feeling
After break up, if you harbor some remaining feelings towards your ex, that affects your life to a great extent. Feelings like pitying your ex that they have to lead a single life because you broke up with them. Feeling guilty about you two ended up breaking up because you cheated on your ex with someone else. Such kind of feelings will leave you stuck withing your life where you cannot stay peacefully; neither can you move on peacefully. Staying in touch with your ex just because you pity them will make them feel better temporarily.
But later, when they will realize the truth, it will make them feel a lot worst. Staying in contact with your ex because you pity them, or feel guilty about something will definitely complicate the situation for both of you. Do not keep in touch with your ex over any such feelings. If you think that you can provide them support to overcome a breakup and help them to move on with their life, then you can stay in touch with them. But make sure to convey them beforehand that you are there only to support them to help heal faster and lead a happy life ahead.
>5. How the relationship ended?
This is the most important factor to decide whether you should stay in touch with your ex or not.
Your breakup was a mutual decision, and you both ended your relationship on a good note. Well, in this case, it’s okay to stay in touch with each other as far as both of you are okay with it. Because most of the times you have that realization that you had compatibility issues as a couple. But when you guys are totally comfortable being friends, there is no harm in being in touch even after the breakup.
Before going further you may be interested in reading,
- 9 Important Relationship Stages that all couples go through
- 9 Couple Goals We Really Need in Our Relationships | Must Know
If you broke up because of being in an abusive relationship, it’s better to stay away from your ex for your own good. Such ex will try to gain control over your life to make it miserable again. If some of your abusive ex is trying to get back in your life, avoid them at all costs. Block them out of everywhere possible so that they don’t find you again.
Similar should be the case in case your ex cheated and left you for someone else. If such ex tries to get in touch with you, do not pay any attention to their advances. If a person can leave you once he can leave you again for someone else. Hence there is no reason to stay in contact with such person at all.
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If you had to face a very ugly break up with someone, try not to stay in touch with such ex. Things can get still more ugly, feelings like hatred and resentfulness will increase. And the whole thing will become a quite messy and ugly affair. So it’s better to stay away from an ex with whom you had a nasty breakup.
At the end its entirely your call on whether you wish you wish to stay in contact with your ex. Consider your feelings as well take into account your current and past situations to decide whether to keep in touch with your ex or not. Just remember that you broke up for some reason and that you are done with each other as a couple. You should be able to decide to limit of how much you want your ex to be part of your current life without disturbing your present. Make your decision wisely and live a happy life.
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